I was re-reading a scripture from my pastor's Sunday sermon. It was an exceptional message themed, "Life That's Too Great Not To Be Lived". One of the scriptures used was Ephesians 5:14-16 (NIV), "...Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead and Christ will shine on you. Be very careful then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil."
I wanted to get a better understanding of what Paul was talking about so I went back to the beginning of chapter 5 and began to read.
Let me stop & inject that I feel that there is a reason for everything and the life of the believer is not his own. Once I asked Christ to be my Lord, I invited Him to "move in" and take up residence inside of me. Now there are two spirits inside of me, my own & the Holy Spirit. They are in agreement and so they are joined. Now when I'm led towards God, I can be sure it's His Spirit doing the leading. So, when I'm led to read into (study) the Word, I can be assured that there's something specific He wants me to hear and understand.
Chapter 5 of Ephesians talks about "foolish talk" and "coarse jesting" amongst the general theme of being God imitators. So I looked up "foolish talk". I don't struggle as much with "coarse jesting" because I was raised with 2 sisters and a polished, feminine mother. We weren't exposed to that kind of talk as children and weren't even allowed to use what my mom considered unladylike words. But the foolish talk--if indeed that meant silliness and teasing, well, I would be in big trouble.
I read some commentaries online to get more perspective. One that I was moved by was called "Foolish talk & empty words" written by Elsie Montgomery back in 2009. She helped bring light to the subject by including some history about the Ephesians:
"For one thing, the city of Ephesus had a reputation. It's people were "well-turned" or ready at repartee, also know as "jocose" and "persiflage" and "badinage" all words meaning witty conversation. In Ephesus, this was far from being censured; in fact, the Ephesians thought such banter was a pleasant accomplishment. The Greek word translated "coarse jesting" is eutrapelia and found nowhere else in the New Testament. The commentaries say this word applies a particular versatility which turns about and adapts itself, without regard to principle, to the shifting circumstances of the moment, and to the varying moods of those with whom it may deal. In other words, it is speaking according to the world, not according to the Spirit and principles of the Lord Jesus Christ. Colossians 3:8 uses a different word, but it conveys the same idea that "filthy communication" and "foolish talking" are a false refinement. These words describe conversations that are seasoned with a selfish, "look at how clever I am" attitude. Christians are not to talk like that. Instead our words are to be seasoned with grace."
When something uncomfortable is brought to my attention, it's my go-to response to put up a quick wall and "protect" the thing that appears under attack. But when the Holy Spirit is leading me in His gentle way, one that assures ultimate safety and a positive result for my effort, I am more open to learn; to consider; to open myself up to a gentle cleaning. Sometimes a good scrubbing is in need but He allows me to do the scrubbing. He just points out the dirty spots.
Anyway, looking up these words, "foolish talk" and "coarse jesting", I found they were indeed what I expected.
Empty words-- words that don't uplift or they serve no purpose in living a godly life.
Double talk-- saying one thing while meaning another--ouch.
Ridicule-- whether harsh or soft.
Insincere talk-- teasing, ending in "just kidding".
I struggle to correct this kind of talk in myself because it can be fun and helps keep conversation interesting and if I'm completely honest, makes me "feel" more interesting. But to what cost to others and ultimately to me? What was my motive and caused me to pick this habit up in the first place? This is the place where God is concerned about. What motivates us. Is it centered around "self"? Even if it seems innocent, if it's not controlled it can take over; become part of what defines us.
My mom used to have a hair salon in an area off of our home. I could hear the ladies talking and laughing. I remember one in particular. A wealthy lady who didn't act snooty or above any one else but had a very dry sense of humor. She wasn't necessarily pretty but people took notice of her. She was very quick witted and sharp with a comeback. She had spoken to me in this manner once, and I recall how her quick sandpaper-like words ripped across my tender 7 year old feelings. She was strong. I admired her for that. I wanted to be admired like that too. (She also had a nice home and a built in swimming pool and a young girl might be silly for adding that to her list of attributes but it certainly made an impression on me.) Also in years later, growing up, learning to laugh at and make jokes about myself when someone said something hurtful or unkind, became a way of self defense until I could be strong minded and quick witted enough to "dish it back", so to speak, or first, before I could become a target.
V.4 says, "Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving." So if I would consider exchanging my teasing and sarcastic remarks with thanksgiving, which would seem more out of place in my conversation? If the thanksgiving, then I have to admit that my reasoning behind my words are not proper for a "holy" child of God to be speaking. Such a hard lesson to hear and so difficult to change old habits. Like I said before, our environments we're raised in might explain why we face the battles we do, to be Holy, but they don't justify our continuing in those habits when the Holy Spirit chooses to enlighten us to what is God's best for us. And if you're reading this, you can believe that the Holy Spirit is planting a seed of change; a desire to open your heart to something that is not good for you or for the kingdom you now represent. That doesn't mean we'll change overnight or that we can do it by sheer determination and will never "oops" back into an old habit. It does mean that with admitting that it is indeed wrong, therefore harmful to us, and giving the desire to protect ourselves over to God, ask for His strength and courage and wisdom; we then ask that He take the desire for the accolades away because we want to bring Him attention, not ourselves. He is always about loving us to wholeness and will lead us away from unhealthy desires into freedom if we choose.
I've learned that whenever I've wanted to give up a bad habit, it has always been imperative to replace it with a good one. Leaving an idle, empty space in my personal habits always led back to the old habit. Brings to mind the scripture in Matthew 12:43-45 about a man who an evil spirit is driven out of. The spirit goes away but comes back and finds the place where he left has not been "filled" so he not only comes back to the man but brings more evil spirits with him so that the man is in worse shape than before! So, where in the past, when someone said something hurtful, I may have come back with something equally as hurtful to do equal damage, or laugh and come up with a sarcastic response to defend myself with an attitude of "you can't hurt me!". Responding like this keeps me a victim of the devil. If I choose this response, he now knows how to keep me from moving forward towards the life Jesus died to give me by encouraging me to distance myself from people so that they can't hurt me. But my effectiveness as a witness has also been eliminated, . My response carries far more importance than just defending my honor. It's up to me to throw offensive & hurtful words off and take myself out of the line of fire as a target and into that same line of fire as a catcher's mitt. I use that analogy because I want you to understand that you can catch the hurtful words before they get to your heart. It's good to evaluate what others say and see if there is anything of value that you could take from them so that you can apologize for your own hurtful behavior but by catching the words, you can consider the circumstances of the "pitcher" and better empathize where it's coming from. It frees you to lift them up in prayer and reach out to them in love by overlooking their ignorance, fear, hurt or pain and respecting that God loves them as much as you, rather than be on the defensive which is putting yourself first.
You may think that they're getting away with being hurtful but God will deal with them in their own time, teaching them with the same gentile love and understanding as He's dealing with our foolish or thoughtless words even now. Even when I don't intend for my words to hurt, if I'm not carefully considering them before I speak, I have not been wise. "Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead (being inactive), and Christ will shine on you (show you the way). Be very careful then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity (to be a light to the world), because the days are evil.
This blog is never meant to bring judgement of our pasts but to encourage us in our futures to be the best that we can be so that we can live that life that's free of the junk that holds us back from joy and peace.
May God bless you and your family!!
Chris
