If Nothing Could Stop Me

If nothing could stop me,
I'd live free of the fear of people's responses.
I wouldn't shy away from having an opinion because
I'd know that my opinion was just as valuable as others'.

I would treat myself better.
I wouldn't let others tell me
what should or shouldn't be important to me.

I would know that I have value.
I wouldn't be timid about standing up for what I want
because I know that my
wants and desires
are as important as anyones.

If nothing cold stop me
I'd start singing again.

I'd fill the house with
beautiful music
that stirred my soul,
as loud as I pleased.

I'd dance like David
oblivious to what I looked like
or who may be watching.

I wouldn't worry about disaster,
the future or money.

I'd spend it like it was going out of style.
I'd throw parties
and be choosy
about the clothes that I wore
rather than what I found at garage sales.
My purses and shoes
wouldn't be hand-me-downs.
My roof wouldn't leak
and my floors wouldn't be uneven.

I'd work jobs that I enjoyed
and if I didn't enjoy them
or they weren't for me,
well then,
I'd smile and say so;
no big deal,
there will be a new opportunity tomorrow.

If nothing could stop me,
I'd open businesses of my own and
make my own schedule.
I'd work hard but always make time to
enjoy life.

I'd walk away from my life now;
not looking back,
not afraid of starting over with nothing,
Because nothing could stop me.

So what is stopping me........ besides me?

Unknown

You don't know me.

I barely know myself.

Having put aside my desires and dreams 

for as long as I can remember.

I've been afraid to live; 

afraid to fail,

afraid to come to nothing.

You who started out with nothing,

who looked at me as if I owned the world; and maybe 

then, I thought I did as well,

you longed for what I had. 

For what you thought was mine.

But it was never really mine.

But then, your doors opened.
He had heard your cries and His hand was open
to you.

You drank it in. You still drink. Looking down
at what you once longed for. Now it is too small.

When death came,

so many deaths,

everything was stolen away. 

One by one,  stripped away leaving me
broken and in need.

Now, it's me who looks at you
as if you own the world; and maybe,
you think you do as well.

But there is a light in the shadows.
A flicker of hope.
A Word comes forth.
I cling to it.
I meditate on it and
breath it in and out
as if my very life depended upon it.

And it does.

He is no respecter of persons.
He has promised beauty for ashes.
You have received yours.
I wait for mine.

In time doors will
open for me.
He has heard my cries
and His hand will be open to me.
And I will drink deeply.

I will drink deeply and when I look down
at what I once longed for 

it will be too small.

I will live who I truly am with
all that I am,
My true identity;
lover of all things beautiful.

not afraid anymore;
not afraid to fail
or to come to nothing.

Not afraid to be me.

No longer afraid.